THEN…Timewalker Book 2, Now Avaialble on Audible

Blurb:

Will Pandora and her World Alliance rule from Atlantis, under the sea… until the world above no longer breathes?

The much awaited sequel to the highly acclaimed dystopian fantasy novel, WHAM! is here.

“Zipping from the gorgeously enchanting to the darkly terrifying, THEN… is dystopian fantasy at its finest. And it’s even better than Book 1.”
–Stuart Kenyon, author of the SUBNORMAL series & SWIFTLY SHARPENS THE FANG

While the underground frantically works to mount a resistance against Pandora and the World Alliance, the potentate’s evil grows.

She stages withering chemical attacks wherever the underground may survive. She passes more laws to hamper their movements.
And new inventions to control their minds.

And as Nia grows heavy with the potentate’s child, her desperation to escape before the birth turns to panic.

Sample Reviews for THEN…

Wendy

 

5.0 out of 5 stars THE EPIC FANTASY SAGA Continues

January 4, 2019

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

If you Loved “WHAM!” you will be swept away and into “THEN”, part 2 in the Timewalker Series by Carol Marrs Phipps and Tom Phipps. “THEN” is a gem of book. The epic story continues with artful weaving of time, history, language, and psychology of the characters. The predominant theme is the hero’s journey in a sci-fi Dystopian reality that connects characters and the plot through different times of the past, present and future. This interlacing of time is done brilliantly and with concise clarity. In this journey, there is loss, magic, mystery, conflict, awakenings and reunion as well as serious sheer adventure that stems right from the extraordinarily unique imagination of the authors. There is a classic and timeless quality to “THEN” that reminds me of varied authors like Chaucer, Tolkien, and Edmund Spenser’s epic book, “The Faerie Queene”. Within the textural and sensual depths of the beautiful imagery and remarkable creativity in “THEN”, it is quite apparent that the allegories from this extraordinary Sci-Fi Dystopian Fantasy are evident in our world today as archetypes and stereotypes in our reality. It takes a highly crafted and thoughtful author to be able to hold the story to its genre of fantasy while allowing the reader to see parables that are current to today. The Hero’s Journey in “THEN” is a journey of the soul of finding inner truths against the background of super-natural reality wedded with obstacles and deception as well as innocence and magic. The authors have done a brilliant job! I highly recommend this book to both young adults and adults..

 

Stuart Kenyon

 

5.0 out of 5 starsDystopian fantasy at its finest

4 January 2019

Verified Purchase

I always look forward to books by the Phippses. So when the author generously offered me an advanced reader copy of their new book, I jumped at the chance! Of course, I’d be happy to wait in line like everyone else, such is the esteem in which I hold Carol and Tom’s work.

THEN… picks up where its predecessor, WHAM!, left off. The genie is out of the lamp now, and revolution is brewing, but not if diabolical dictator Pandora has her way. From her hidden sanctuary, she continues to oppress her people. Spying on them, gassing them and dealing with dissidents harshly, her hunger for power knows no bounds. Those that stand against her – a ragtag collection of humans, trolls and fairies from the past and present – must fight almost impossible odds.

Underdogs fighting back against tyranny is by no means a novel idea, but the TIMEWALKERS stories are brilliant enough to outshine the crowd. The plot moves rapidly, twisting and turning, flitting from character’s one point of view to the next at breakneck speed. Action is frequent; dialogue is charming one moment, disturbing the next; the various locales are beautifully depicted. We’re transported from wondrous Lewis Carroll-esque utopias to ugly, ravaged places, from undersea paradises to places which almost look like our own world. If you read for escapism, if you love to be immersed in a fantastical universe with magical characters and compelling plots, you should read WHAM! and THEN… immediately. I also heartily recommend the writers’ HEART OF THE STAFF series, which has been recently revamped.

 

Review:                             Reviewed by K.C. Finn for Readers’ Favorite

 

Then… is a genre-mashing work of fiction for young adults, penned by co-authors Carol Marrs Phipps and Tom Phipps. In the second book in the Timewalker Series, the sequel to the weird and wonderful Wham!, we once again pick up the adventures of sisters Tess and Nia as the deadly threat of the World Alliance looms over their lives. Nia, captive and pregnant, knows that her body is a ticking time bomb that sets a limit on her escape. Meanwhile the underground movement works hard to build a resistance to Pandora and the World Alliance, and dystopian politics once again clash with the fairy world in order to do so.

 

Having recently read Wham!, I was easily swept back into this conceptually intriguing world where the fairy past and the distant future collide as good battles evil all over the world. I very much enjoyed the heightened level of threat as the problem becomes more global, reaching beyond just the personal lives of the central characters. The new threats developed by the WA are inventive and dangerous, presenting a powerful war story right in the middle of Tess’s and Nia’s own personal dramas. I felt that Nia really featured in this book as a star character, and her emotional journey was harrowing to follow. Authors Carol Marrs Phipps and Tom Phipps have done a great job of cementing the lore of their wacky world in this second novel, which overall makes Then…Timewalker Book 2 another excellent read for fans of fantasy, dystopia and powerful heroic narratives.

BookReviews88

 

5.0 out of 5 starsFantastic!

January 24, 2019

Format: Kindle Edition

Carol Marrs Phipps & Tom Phipps have done it again with this fantastic dystopian fantasy read! ‘THEN’ is the second installment of the Timewalker series and I absolutely loved it. (I loved ‘Wham’ too.) Pandora and the World Alliance wreak havoc, as sisters, Tess & Nia (and many others) do everything they can to save the world from their evil agenda. If you like Sci-fi, fantasy, dystopian stories, you’ll love this excellently-written read. Well done!

We currently have a limited number of PROMO CODES for FREE downloads of both THEN…Timewalker Book 2 and WHAM! Timewalker Book 1. You do not need to have an account with Audible to get these FREE audiobooks. Please reply to this post or email us at car01am@yahoo.com if you are interested in receiving one or both of these FREE codes. Sorry, US and UK only.

 

 

 

 

 

FREE for the FIRST TIME EVER and the ONLY TIME this year. THEN… Timewalker Book 2 6/15/19 – 6/ 17/19.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

 

FREE for the FIRST TIME EVER and the ONLY TIME this year. THEN Timewalker Book 2  getbook.at/THEN 6/15/19 – 6/ 17/19.

Please share on social media. Here are my Facebook https://www.facebook.com/carol.phipps3 and Twitter https://twitter.com/Car01am links

Will Pandora and her World Alliance rule from Atlantis, under the sea… until the world above no longer breathes?

The much awaited sequel to the highly acclaimed dystopian fantasy novel, WHAM! is here.

“Zipping from the gorgeously enchanting to the darkly terrifying, THEN… is dystopian fantasy at its finest. And it’s even better than Book 1.”
–Stuart Kenyon, author of the SUBNORMAL series & SWIFTLY SHARPENS THE FANG

While the underground frantically works to mount a resistance against Pandora and the World Alliance, the potentate’s evil grows.

She stages withering chemical attacks wherever the underground may survive. She passes more laws to hamper their movements.
And new inventions to control their minds.

And as Nia grows heavy with the potentate’s child, her desperation to escape before the birth turns to panic.

Get ready for hours of entertainment, from the busy pens of Carol Marrs Phipps and Tom Phipps.

Get your copy!

AND

 

 99 SALE…WHAM! Timewalker Book 1  getbook.at/WHAM  6/15/19 – 6/17/19.

 

They took her world. They took her family. They said it was for the greater good.

They lied… 

From husband and wife writing team, Carol Marrs Phipps and Tom Phipps, WHAM is an imaginative and original dystopian fantasy where technology and magic stand side by side.

“Rarely have I seen fantasy and science fiction married so successfully.”

When Children and Family Assistance police drag her mom, her dad and her beautiful sister out the door into the night and beat her senseless, Tess Greenwood finds herself alone, her every move watched by the hidden World Alliance. Almost blind after her beating, she flees to the forbidden Broadstreet compound and a troll named Maxi.

So begins Tess’s journey from quiet teen at home to fierce young woman, determined to get back her family any way she can. Even if she must travel time itself.

But time is one thing she has little of. Those arrested in the night seldom live for long, and beautiful young women are destined to become toys for the elite.

Frantic, Tess tries to pull herself together to save her loved ones and her world… and the clock is ticking.

Get your copy and enter the world of the Timewalkers.

“At first, I thought this was your typical dystopian story, but I quickly learned it is so much more. Layer upon layer was peeled back as I read, revealing themes of corruption, power, and greed as well as familial love and loyalty that spans the ages.”

 

THEN… The Trailer

 

Goodreads Review for THEN…

 

 

THE EPIC FANTASY SAGA Continues 

If you Loved WHAM! you will be swept away and into THEN, part 2 in the Timewalker Series by Carol Marrs Phipps and Tom Phipps. THEN is a gem of book. The epic story continues with artful weaving of time, history, language, and psychology of the characters. The predominant theme is the hero’s journey in a sci-fi Dystopian reality that connects characters and the plot through different times of the past, present and future. This interlacing of time is done brilliantly and with concise clarity. In this journey, there is loss, magic, mystery, conflict, awakenings and reunion as well as serious sheer adventure that stems right from the extraordinarily unique imagination of the authors. There is a classic and timeless quality to THEN that reminds me of varied authors like Chaucer, Tolkien, and Edmund Spenser’s epic book, The Faire Queen. Within the textural and sensual depths of the beautiful imagery and remarkable creativity in THEN, it is quite apparent that the allegories from this extraordinary Sci-Fi Dystopian Fantasy are evident in our world today as archetypes and stereotypes in our reality. It takes a highly crafted and thoughtful author to be able to hold the story to its genre while allowing the reader to see parables that are current to today. The Heroes Journey in THEN is a journey of the soul of finding inner truths against the background of super-natural reality wedded with obstacles and deception as well as innocence and magic. The authors have done a brilliant job! I highly rec. this book to both young adults and adults.

Don’t Miss Out! Pre-Order Your Copy of THEN…  Today for Only 99 Cents 

Dear Maude By Denise Liebig

DEAR MAUDE by Denise Liebig is the most compelling and original story I’ve read in a long time, and it’s this author’s debut novel no less! I simply could not put it down! The writing is superb, and the characters are realistic. The story itself kept me utterly enthralled with so many twists and turns my head was in a spin, but pleasantly so.This fascinating tale is full of romance, suspense and mystery with enough time-travel paradoxes to make any scifi aficionado purr in delight.

I can’t wait to read the rest of this amazing series, and I also look forward to many more great reads from Ms Liebig in the future. I most highly recommend DEAR MAUDE!

 

 

A Day in the Life of an Elf Killer Family

Excerpt from Elf Killers:

Fnarry-irrny was Dyr’s sow, which allowed her to choose the best place in the biggest cave to spread out her things, rear her children and to attend to Dyr’s whims and needs. She chose an airy alcove just inside the mouth of the Hooter Cave, well out of the weather, which allowed her the most convenient access to the fire just outside and the best place to flaunt her wealth of beads, shells and skins to all the envious sows who were forced to pass by her on the way to their respective spots further back in the cave. One troll evening (which is just before dawn), she rolled her bushy red head from side to side, gnawing and tugging on an Elf leg as she watched her family eat.

           “Boof!” cried her eldest son as he spat out a great cud of chewed Elf onto the ground. “Gnydy hee-hee-grabbed my grab-up-squeaker rump. Everytime, I get shin-bone-meat! I eat rump.”

“You think like rump,” said his younger brother. “You snuff-snuff  like rump…”

“Gnydy juicy-champs my rump, Da, and you let him,” said the eldest, as two wolf-dogs squeezed in to bristle at each other and snatch up his cud of Elf. “You be easy-let, Da. Gnydy will head-smash you, then he’ll be Thunder-man. And if Gnydy be Thunder-man, then I’ll no be Thunder-man. I’ll be hoo-hoo-crawl-animal.” He turned to the younger. “But you’d be hum-dee-dumdle with that, Fnana-fnyr. You already be crawl-animal for yuck-champs. Poofy-letter Da grand-showed you…”

“Rump-jaws, Fnanar!” roared Fnana-fnyr as he shot to his feet to run at Fnanar’s head with a furious kick.

Fnanar ducked as the kick flew by his ear, flinging Fnana-fnyr onto his back, the arm of Elf he was eating smeared all up one hip.

Dyr stopped chewing and glowered at his sons from under his bony brows.

“Ooot-ooot! ooot-ooot! ooot-ooot!” cried Fnanar as he flailed his chest with his fists. “That be proud-show rump-trick!” He wheeled ’round to leave the alcove and stepped right into Dyr’s stony fist which put him flat on his back, seeing stars.

Dyr was a-straddle him immediately, furiously strangling him.

“Duda! Nyr-vyr-nirr-trad!” screamed Fnarry-irrny, ropes of beads and greasy breasts flying about as she sprang at Dyr to claw at his gnarly hateful fingers. “No! Stop!”

“He’s begged for-this ever-since he wet-held Fnana-fnyr under the fast-water,” he said, growling spit between his teeth as he gave an extra shove and stood up. He tramped out of the Hooter Cave and past the glowing fires.

Dyr paused to glance at some kids who were poking sticks and giggling at an Elf child who was well beyond utterances of any kind, tethered and trembling uncontrollably as she awaited her turn over the coals. “No be Fnanar and Fnana-fnyr,” he sighed. “Never-once have Fnanar and Fnana-fnyr giggle-romped that well-together. I can’t even hunt with them-together.”

He shook his head and walked out under the stars. A shivering owl called. “One-thing I know-be with all head-nod,” he said. “Fnanar has-had his last greedy-champ in the Hooter Cave. Let him yank-bite squeaker-rump from Gnydy. He got his hairy-face new-name cold-time, cold-time, cold-time, cold-time ago.

“But I have-to slip-let Fnarry-irrny pincher-twist me so Fnanar gets-to stay until he’s giggle-grabbed a sow. But he grabby-wants the biggest milksow. Mudful hollow-head! He drool-dreams the wrong end. Hoof! He has sly-kids in every-other cave but the Hooter Cave and diggy-fingers his nose at me.

“Ooot!” he bellowed into the echoes, silencing the owl. He gave his chest a good three thump drum. “And let Gnydy come at me for a good head-smash. He needs his thunder-stamp, too.”

***

As you can see, the Elf Killers (trolls or Dyrney, as they called themselves) were a primitive, savage race that hunted and ate elves. However, seven hundred years into the future, the Dryney ancestors had evolved into a more civilized culture. In Wham! Maxi the troll is a very popular character with the readers and a very important major supporting character in the story. He is a hairdresser and tattoo artist and a good friend to the Greenwood family, particularly, Tess who seeks him out early in the book to give her a “makeover”.

 

WHAM! Character Profile: Nia Greenwood

Nia Greenwood

Age 20

5’7’’

115 lbs

Green hair

Green eyes

Nia Greenwood is a half Fairy, half Human (here, Human is a race and therefore capitalized), daughter of Kellen and Cait Greenwood, sister of Tess. She is engaged to an Elf, Drake Evans, at the time she is taken by the evil Children and Family Services Police and shipped off to become a sex slave at the world Alliance’s underwater capital city of Atlantis. Nia is one of the two main protagonists in Wham!

Excerpt from Wham!

“So,” said the woman, leaning over her for a look. “Awake at last, I see.” She  straightened up at once. “I’m Mistress Bodine, but you may call me Sam. For Samantha of course.”

Nia threw her head from side to side in a panic. She could see guards. A device wired to her began beeping. “What is this place?” she said. “Why am I in restraints?”

“Why you’re at the capitol,” said Sam, switching off Nia’s monitor. “Don’t you remember being chosen for this honor?”

“The capitol!” cried Nia, struggling against the straps which held her. “Chosen! Is that what you call it when you abduct someone to be a toy for the monsters who’ve taken over the world?”

***

 

 

Hubba Hubba Versus the Stinky Beefy Boy Part Three

8242369952_55eda998e9_z

Part Three

Herio could scarcely take his eyes off the sky long enough to find his stirrup as he thanked Mrs. Gweld for the pie and said his goodbyes. “I wonder if they passed by while Icherry_pie_case_for_the_ipad_mini-rf252931f447246c89e9010b93c82d7d7_w9wmu_8byvr_324
was inside,” he said once he had Gwynt underway, following Sophie on her unicorn to
Castlegoll Road.

“Well, this is it,” she said, hesitating as he doffed his hat and yellow-peasant-costume-skirtsteered Gwynt onto the road.

“She’s pretty,” he thought. He looked back to see her disappear around the corner. “Actually, she’s very pretty. And now that I think about it, she must have been interested
in me. My! Could that be why she came with her unicorn instead of her brothers?” He
gave a deep sigh and resumed combing the heavens.

Suddenly something was fluttering in his ear, giving him a start. “Herio!” chirped Tweet, landing on his shoulder and springing into flight again. “You’ve got to hurry! Hubba OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAHubba’s been shot and the evil boy’s going to eat him!”

“No! Is he dead?”

“He was alive last I knew, but…”

“Good! Show me. Let’s go Gwynt!”

“It was actually on this very road, just two farms south of here, where he was shot. We have to wait there for either Chirp or Squeak to show up when they find where the boy took him.”

At once, Herio had Gwynt pounding away at a full gallop. Soon his side was cramping from all the bouncing pie.

“Herio! Tweet! Hoy!” came a wee tweet from up ahead.

housesparrow-seedeater-004“Squeak!” chirped Tweet. “Is Hubba Hubba still alive?”

“Hurry! I’ll show you!”

Away they raced, down the road and through the very same fields crossed by Frankin and Hubba Hubba. At last they splashed through the creek and had zigzagged nearly across the orchard. “You’re here!” squeaked Chirp, dropping down from the sky, halting them at once. “See that house through the trees? They took him inside in a game bag, but I think they have him in a box. He’s cape-cod-crowXXhurt, Herio. I don’t know how bad. The biggest boy right yonder, see? He beaned him on the head and knocked him right out of the sky. They were going to dress him for supper…”

“And they haven’t yet?” said Herio.

“I don’t think so, ’cause the lady and the boys got to fussing something awful.”

“How do you reckon they’d take my walking up and asking for their supper?”

“Not very well. They’ve been shouting at each other the whole time I’ve been here.”

“Maybe I could offer them some money for Hubba,” he said, glancing away at the house. “They look kind of hard up.”

“They look like they might rob you…” squeaked Chirp.

“Oh surely not, but if it eases your mind, I’ll dump out most of our money in the rotted out place in this old peach tree.” He poured out his coins, put away his bag and threw his leg over Gwynt. “Well, let’s go get Hubba, boys.”

images (2)Frankin trotted out several rods to meet them. “You better hold it right there, fellow!” he hollered as he wrapped a stone in the patch of his sling. “We don’t know you at all, so that makes you ones a trespasser…”

“Frankin!” echoed the cry from the house. “How’d you get that sling? You bring it back right now! You hear? And don’t you dare talk to strangers that a-way unless tunic-in-the-middle-agesthere’s a good reason!”

“I’m right sorry,” said Herio. “I certainly didn’t mean to make you think I was trespassing. I’m just passing through on my way to Castle Goll, but I got separated from my crow…”

“Crow?” said Frankin without so much as glancing back at his mother. “No crow here, fellow, so just turn around. Go!” He swung his rock back and forth like he might fling it around and throw it.

“Frankin! You heard me!” came the cry from the house.

Frankin did not bat an eye nor turn around, but the shouting woman must have had his attention, for suddenly Kink dashed out of the bushes and yanked away the sling.

“You stinking cachu face, Poopkink!” shouted Frankin, grabbing his fingers. “That hurt!”

Bartolomé_Esteban_Perez_Murillo_004“We got a crow shut up in the house, mister!” cried Kink, dancing about warily, well out of Frankin’s reach.

“Yea!” cried Dink, running up. “He talks and Mom’s afraid of him!”

“This time you gwrteithiau have really gone and done it!” cried Frankin, going red in the face. “I’m going to pound you…”

“Not while I’m alive!” howled the Mother, grabbing him by the arm. “And you’re done with slings for a good while, buster!”

Frankin tried to wrench free, but she gave him a shake.

“I’m man of the house now that Dad and Alwin’s gone!” he wailed. “You said so!”

“Yea? Well, when you can’t live up to it, then you’re just a little boy, aren’t you? And if that makes you disappointed, kid-o, hit makes me doubly so. Now let’s work you back up to woodpile2being a man again. You get yourself around back and chop me a proper rick o’ wood!”

“But there’s a whole pile of wood ’round…Aaaah!”

“And there’s a proper red welt acrost the back o’ your leg, too!” she hissed as she got him good with a whistling switch. She watched him scuttle out of sight. When she heard chopping commence, she retied her apron. “Now I’m right sorry for that, young man. He’s turned mean since his daddy was kilt at Ash Fork. Now he didn’t even give you ones the chance to give your name, ‘fore he started in, did he? He’s Frankin, I’m Mrs. Simms and these two be Wilmer and Jake…”

“I’m Herio, ma’am,” he said, thinking to remove his hat.gty_black_crow_jt_130504_wg

“Well, we’ve been kind o’ afraid of your bird. We didn’t know what to think. He bit me good every time I tried to get him down, and he was swearing like a sailor…”

“Sounds like Hubba Hubba, all right…”

“That’s his name?”

Herio nodded.

“And you taught him to curse like that?”

“No, but I’ve learnt a bunch from him…”

“You know, that’s one lie I think I believe,” she said with a laugh as she turned to Kink and Dink. “You ones run inside and bring this nice young fellow his bird.”

They raced to the door and darted inside. Immediately they were back outside again, with xococava-broken-platesthe door slammed fast behind them. They looked up at Herio with wide eyes.

“He’s deliberately knocking things off shelves…” said Kink.

“And he said when you get here you’re going to cut off our heads,” said Dink with an uneasy swallow.

Herio put his ear to the door.

“And when he does show up, “cawed Hubba Hubba amidst the crash of dishes, “you all will wish you were far, far, away! He’ll make you pay! He’ll cut off your grubby little fingers! He’ll…!”

“He’ll come and take you with him!” hollered Herio as he threw open the door.

“Herio!” cawed Hubba Hubba, swooping down from some shelves to walk up the front of his shirt as he madly beat his wings. “You did it! You saved me! They were going to eat me!” He flapped his way up onto Herio’s shoulder to drop open his beak and go quite skinny. “You mean you didn’t kill them?”

“Well, no, Hubba, they returned you in one piece… In fact, ma’am?” he said, taking out his purse and dumping out some crowns onto the bench by the door. “This is for your dishes.”

“Why you ones don’t have to…”

“Have you seen how many he broke?”

“Every bloomin’ one I could reach,” rattled Hubba Hubba as he bristled all over. “And ‘one crow (1)piece,’ I dispute that. Have you seen the knot on my head?”

“Then you’ve gained from the experience,” said Herio, rolling his eyes for Mrs. Simms.

She nodded and herded her boys back towards the house. “Looks like we both got our hands full,” she called with a nod, as she shooed Kink and Dink into the house. “Good luck, you hear?”

“Thank you ma’am, for being good to my bird,” said Herio as he got astride Gwynt with Hubba Hubba gaping aghast and three merrily twittering sparrows. They sauntered back through the orchard, pausing long enough to scrape his crowns out of the rotted out hollow in the old tree.

“‘Good to my bird?’ ‘Good to my bird?’ You think a knot on my very knitty box, big as my eye, is good to your bird? And what righteous damage, may I ask, did you do in order to be The_Burgeoning_Cover_for_Kindlegood unto them…?”

Carol Marrs Phipps & Tom Phipps

Hubba Hubba Versus the Stinky Beefy Boy, Part 2

Quilt Stone Mountain NC SP 4021

5469802698_278de1b2e3_zthe-brixton-ona-bags-2-560x379The stinky beefy boy slowed to a walk with a skip and happily patted his game bag full of Hubba Hubba. Whistling a giddy tune fit for the tone deaf, he left the path through a gap in the hedge to cut across a freshly ploughed field. Chirp and Squeak followed ’round the outside in the tops of trees grown up in the hedge. The boy scampered through new oats, a meadow and a fresh cow pile, pausing to rinse his feet in a gurgling creek before dashing triumphantly across an orchard to a fiery haired woman and two boys, hoeing in a broad vegetable garden.

504_slingrocks“Mom!” hollered the stinky boy as she bent to pull a weed. “Get wood on the fire! I bagged fresh meat for supper!”

She stood up, brushing the dirt from her skirts and hands.

“Look Mom! I got him with my sling! I knocked ‘im clean out of the air! I’m gettin’ good, aye?”

“I’ll say Frankin,” she said, peering into his bag. “I’ve been watching you get better day by day. This is game to remember, all right, particularly when you may go the rest of your life and not get another on the wing like that.”

“So all you think is I just got lucky, isn’t hit?”

nVrhp1e“Well Frankin, someone without your sharp eye would certainly have an empty bag right now…”

“Ha!” he crowed with a leap. “I’m really somethin’ with my sling, and you know it.”

“I’ve just hung the tea-kettle over the fire,” she said, ruffling up his hair. “You could wash up for a nice cup o’ tea before you dress your bird, if you don’t dally.”

Frankin raced to the back door, hung Hubba Hubba on the latch and wheeled ’round to go to the well in time to find his little brothers following. “Hey Poopkink!” he snarled. “If you and Poopdink have to sneak along behind me, don’t you dare touch the game bag.”

***

tver_angry-crow_7219“Help!” cawed Hubba Hubba, coming to in total blackness. “I’m dead again! I can’t see!” He hysterically thrashed and flogged his wings against the insides of the cramped box they had him in, pausing to go light in the head, gasping for want of air.

Someone heard his cries and threw open the box. “Kawk!” he cried as four chubby hands crowded in after him. “Have some respect! Can’t you idiots tell I’m wounded here?”

Bartolomé_Esteban_Perez_Murillo_004Both boys squealed and yanked back, dropping the lid on Hubba Hubba.

“Hey! I object! This is abuse! Here I am, smashed in the head…”

“Hit does talk!” they cried in wide-eyed chorus.

“You got it!” shouted Hubba Hubba. “And do you ones listen? Here I am smashed in the head, some drooling gnoff strangles me ’till I black out, maybe die, and here you ones whack me in the head again… Is this the stinkin’ Pit, or what? Well?”

Suddenly they lunged at the box. Hubba Hubba exploded into frantic flight about the room, landing on a quilting frame drawn up by twine to the overhead beams. “All right,” he rattled. “At least I can see this is some rotten old kitchen, somewhere, and not the Pit. And whatever you two are, I am not some kind of ‘it!’ I’m one right proud crow and I’m traveling with a young man who ought to here directly to cut off your stinkin’ heads for doing this to me…!”

primitive-vintage-wood-box-original-old-paper-fruit-crate-label-Placerville-Maid-Laurel-Leaf-Farm-item-no-b912117-7“Hey you little gwrteithiau!” yelled Frankin as he threw open the door. “What’d I tell you about my game bag? And why weren’t you out helping us drive in the six sheep which just now got out in the garden? Which one of you left the gate open anyway…?”

“It’s loose!” cried Kink.

“Close the door!” cried Dink.

“I am not an ‘it,'” rattled Hubba Hubba.

images (1)“Taran!” shouted Frankin as he slammed the door and began glancing about. “So you not only let the sheep out, you got into my bag and turned the crow loose! If he gets clean away, you’ll not only be cachu, I’ll find something really disgusting and make you each eat its cachu!”

“He’s right over your head,” said Dink.

Frankin wheeled ’round and looked up. “Mom!” he bellowed, “Come in here and see what they did now!” He lunged and missed Hubba Hubba, whacking the quilting frame madly about on the ends of its short twines.

3021358_1_l (1)“Kawk!” cried Hubba Hubba, as he crouched to hang on

Frankin leaped again, snapping a twine and knocking down the frame to smash a 17-cottage-cheesehuge crock of soupy cottage cheese onto the floor.

“You bloated idiot!” cawed Hubba Hubba, springing into flight about the room. He spied a board nailed across the timbers and landed on that with his back to the ceiling. “You stinking armpit maggot…”

“So you’re some kind of magic crow, aye?” he said, taking out his sling. “Well it doesn’t matter, bird-o. You’ll never get out of this room, ’cause when I knock you down, I’m goin’ ‘o jerk your ugly head out o’ your shoulders!”

“No!” cried Kink and Dink together.

“Frankin!” cried their mom as she stepped in the door to go apoplectically wide eyed. “My stars! That’s fifteen gallons of cottage cheese, all over!”

“They did it!” wailed Frankin. “They got into my bag when I told them not to and turned loose the crow. I’ve got to kill it quick…”

“No!” cried Dink. “Hit’s magic…!”

images“Hit talks!” cried Kink.

“And they’ve gotten windy as kites in the process, too, I see. Well you two, what have I told you about making up things…?”

“But it’s true!” wailed Kink. “Frankin knows it, too!”

“I think you two need to take this stack of bowls and scoop up as much clean cheese as you can get off the floor for your next several meals. Then, you need to mop up every bit of what’s left.”

“But we aren’t making it up!” wailed Dink, as his mom thrust a stack of bowls into his arms and steered him toward the slumping mound of cheese and crock chards.

“Now, freak bird, hit’s your turn,” said Frankin, fitting a stone into his sling.

“Kawk!” cried Hubba Hubba. “Lady, lady! Please listen to your little fellows!”

“That’s not the least bit amusing, Frankin,” she said, wheeling ’round to glare at him.

“But I didn’t…”

“No, no, no, no!” cawed Hubba Hubba. “I did! I’m not some game animal to be beaned and chucked in the kettle. Hey! I’ve got brains here.”

“Mercy!” she gasped. “You do talk!”

crow“Hit’s a trick, Mom, said Frankin.

“Right. So where’s the minstrel puppeteer?”

“Come on, Mom! Somebody taught him to talk…”

“Absolutely!” rattled Hubba Hubba. “Just like they did you, only I didn’t need to be taught how to think, and you’ve yet to manage.”

“Don’t touch the bird,” she said, snatching away his sling. “Do not harm him, understand?”

“But he’ll get away!”

“We’re going to be real good to him ’till we figure him out,” she said. “Now go fetch me a good sized box to put him in, and make sure there are a right smart amount of air holes in it.”

“Air holes?” cried Hubba Hubba. “What kind of ‘real good’ to me is that? No wonder you haven’t taught maggot boy here how to think, yet! And I don’t care what he brings back, you’re going to have to come up here and get me!”




Carol Marrs Phipps & Tom Phipps